I don't take disappointment very well. I truly feel the pain of those I care about and at many times even those I know not much about, even if it's only something told and seen in the public eye, I still feel their pain. I have moments I forget I am an adult and behave in the most natural way my mind, body and heart desire, kind of a small moment of freedom if you will. I seldom stop those moments in front of other adults, some find it fun perhaps quirky, lots find it annoying, those who find it annoying don't know all of who I am. I day dream often, most of the time it inspires me, sometimes it makes me reminiscent of the things I was and things I will never be.
I like to compliment strangers, it could be on anything small like a hair clip they have on to something I find beautiful like their eyes. I sing in the shower, pretty good actually or so my audience believes, you know shampoos, conditioners and other shower regulars. I hate monotony. I rarely hold grudges, of course I get hurt plenty of times but I don't really hold on to those moments unless they are something major in which forgiveness and forgetting is not possible. I hate two people in this world with every single fiber of my being, can't say I will be unhappy when they die. I have never had a difficult time speaking to people, I like speaking to people although as I age I find it hard to hide my disapproval when it comes to something I am passionate about and those who are indifferent or against it become very undesirable and unworthy of my time.
I love animals, animals are my passion, they make me feel alive. I love how they look, how they behave, how they do what they do because they must to survive and I love lending a helping hand to those with out a voice. I love food, glorious, delicious food. I am not sure what I have that attracts teenagers to me and while yes it's a bit frustrating to me at times because I want to grab them and smash their heads in for a second so they see that life gets harder and they should enjoy their youth, I still enjoy their company and how they trust me.
I have a fear of making new friends, only because I don't want to lose them. I miss a lot of people who have touched my life. I am not a morning person, at all. I will not greet you with a happy go lucky sunshine filled new day, unless I have had a good night of sleep and that rarely happens but I am not a raging maniac either, just get me coffee and a smoke and I will tolerate anything. I am addicted to nicotine although I am very aware of the harm it causes. I hate them so much but I still love them, guess that is an ironic situation but that's how it is. I love shoes, heels to be exact, and if I could wear heels all day with out my feet killing me I would, why? Because I love them. I don't like the color green even if it's all over the place and it is the color of money, if it were up to me money would be blue or purple.
I really enjoy musicals, I wish one day to just go some place and start to sing a song and have everyone around join in, like that Coke commercial, that would be awesome. I can do some cartoon voices and accents but I only do it in front of my children, they get a kick out of it and one of them is really good at it as well. I hate cleaning, ohhhh how I hate cleaning, dishes especially get to me every single time and laundry curse you laundry! I do enjoy a nice clean home though. I can't bake for the life of me, not sure why but I just can't do it, maybe it's a good thing since I love food so much. I have conflicting feelings of my physical appearance, most of the time I have low self esteem. I view myself as this creature who had two beautiful children and am very lucky to be alive and not completely well but I have a lot of good things. I wish I could make people see the beauty I see in them and yet when I look in a mirror I well I don't really enjoy what I see.
I hate beeping sounds, you know alarms, microwave or stoves, hate them, they aggravate me. I suffer from road rage, people in front of me are complete morons and people behind me are complete maniacs. I can guess age, sex and more from how people drive, no seriously it's very weird but I can guess it. I believe in love most of the time, that beautiful, mind blowing, heart racing, palms sweating, nervous feeling, floating on clouds, puppies, kittens and rainbows kind of love but I avoid becoming too happy because of fear of the pain that it can bring with it.
I am not book smart at all, hell I hate books, well I don't hate them just it is very difficult for me to sit down and grab a book and read. I can't get enough of a good comedy movie or cartoons, I think I like cartoons more than my kids.
I am a very complex person, it takes a very special, strong person to love me because some days I don't even love myself. I enjoy making people laugh. I do not like spiders, them critters I could do with out, just poof gone from the planet and I am good, ok so not all off the planet just not in my house and I won't turn in to this pants grabbing, circle turning, screaming nut job. I still have a hard time believing I am a mother, it is an incredibly exhausting thing to be but wow it's incredible.
I am so much, perhaps too much to ever actually put on paper so I won't even try it, but I am all the things I previously mentioned and much more that perhaps you already know some of it or want to know more of it, or not really want to know at all but it is who and what I am. I am in no way shape or form perfect, nor do I ever think anyone could be cause I sure have never met anyone who is, some pretty damn close but always something that makes one go “ah yes, and there it is” but unless it is something so vile and disturbing that I can't stomach well nothing to worry about.
I am me.
