I'm not the way I used to be

I'm not the way I used to be
Time keeps passing by.
I feel the years piling up
I ask less questions of why?

I find myself aging day by day
My body isn't as young.
I do have fears,
I do have worries,
I do have moments joy.

The seasons come and go
The world keeps changing
And not always for the better
But it is what it is even if I wish it wasn't
Not much be done about that.

I wake, I smile, I laugh and cry
I make a fool of myself
Just to make time go by
I listen to problems and try to face my own
Even if I can't change them at least they are known.

I eat, I drink and reminisce
I look at images of childhood memories
And take new ones for when I'm older.

I dance and sing, mostly for myself
And wonder who is doing the same at the time
I smile again and begin to wonder
Of my friends who did it in their prime.

I read the news in hopes to hear a cheerful story
But sorrow and gory is what makes the cut
I guess I'm one of the few who wishes
That all of it would just stop.

These hands have felt the softness of a child
A prick from a sturdy thorn
A tear off the cheek of someone in despair
And held those in pain.

These ears have heard the laughter of pure joy
And songs that touch the soul.
The cries of someone who needs me to care
Stories that no one thought would ever be told.

These eyes have seen wonders of the world
Pure beauty
Insanity
Deception
Integrity
Fulfillment
Gratitude
Disgust
Shame
Happiness
and miracles.

These legs have limped when injured
Danced when happy
Ran when needed
And kicked when angry.

My breast have fed my children
Their true job has been fulfilled
Not as easy as I thought it would be at times
But none the less more grateful I can not be.

These lips have smiled at strangers
Have spoken truth and lies
Have tasted such bitter sweet nectar
Made a joke or two in hopes to laugh
Kissed a few people in the process
Did raspberries on a belly
Made noises to emphasis a story
Cursed at those who deserved it
And were silent when needed.

I'm not the way I used to be
But I still am me.
My body may not be the same
The things I used to like might have changed
But not by much or so I think.

I still find joy in simple things
Anger when injustice is made
Stand up for myself and others when needed
Now only with caution and using my brain.

I may have some scars
I may have some wrinkles
I may even have some gray hairs
And although I keep changing
As time goes by I feel that it will just keep getting better.

I accept you body for who you are becoming
I embrace you body for who you will be
I thank you for all that you have been through
And hope you last as long as I dream.

I'm sorry if I make you feel unwanted
I'm sorry if I make you feel uneasy
I'm sorry if I demand too much from you
And not thank you enough for what I have put you through.

I'm not the way I used to be
And guess what? that's ok
Cause even with my wrinkles
So called imperfections
And gray hairs
I still wake up every day.

So here is to you
The temple of my soul
I'm not the way I used to be
But I thank you for it all.

By Lola.

Well another day

Hi you, not sure what really to write about today but here goes nothing.

My little one is perfectly fine. He woke up very happy and has been very loving and mellow, maybe the smack on the head adjusted his friskiness (hehehe...) My oldest one I suppose had a good day at school, he doesn't really like talking about school, but maybe he gets it from me tho whole not wanting to rehash boring details of things that don't really catch ones attention.

My brother came to visit, it was nice, he is on a hard search for a job but not having much luck finding one. He doesn't have a computer so he searches, submits his resume and sets up interviews, been doing this for a while but man just nothing. I wish there was more I could do for him but I myself don't work so yeah not much help at all.

Now to not confuse, well anyone I guess which I do often, I need to clarify something, even if it's just for me cause I don't know if anyone will actually ever even read this place but just in case. I have 2 sets of "parents" my biological ones and my foster ones. My biological ones, mami is alive and not well but that would take years of writing to know the why and I really don't fell like it right now. My biological father (lets call him L) died years ago, I think it was 02 but we were not very close and although I, in some level loved him, his death came and went with out doing much impact in my life so I can't even remember the date of his death.

My foster parents are really my aunt and uncle, L's sister and her husband took me in for most of my life I think, anyway I kinda call them mom and dad but they aren't, call my cousins my sisters but they aren't and they live in PR, are all doctors and super busy so I don't really like to bother them much, I feel they have no real obligation towards me so I let the wind blow and every once in a while I say hi but in life everyone has their problems and commitments so I can't expect much anyway.

I have one brother from my biological mom and two brothers from my biological dad. Two of them I am pretty close to at heart but one is in his own world and that's cool, if he's happy I wish him the best, I just in a way kind of wish he would at least call or meet his nephews but no it's ok, he doesn't' have to. I guess the point I am trying to make is I don't feel connected to "family" as time goes by and I don't think I like it but I really don't think that there is much to be done about it.

Going back to my one brother, lets call him R, R is trying hard but life is pretty hard right now. My biological mom, also someone I wish I could help, is pretty much in a state of sick of it all and I'm starting to feel pretty damn annoyed by it, it's actually making me feel the way she does and I don't really like that.

Well this was depressing, I'm sorry but I do have a "what do I do?" dilemma, not major but important to me :D See Lost Paws has adoption day every Saturday and on the 7th of Feb there is a Cat show around the same time as adoption time, but I've never been to a cat show! I want to go! I would get to see so many different types of cats and even take pictures of the awesome fluffiness but what to do? what to do? :taps fingers on desk:

I will figure it out I guess, depending on who can come to adoption day but no one I know wants to go with me to the show. Oh man I am so gonna be the crazy cat lady when I get old ain't I? yes, yes I am and to prove it a picture of one of the foster kitties I had which got adopted.



I bet Rose is doing great and I bet she's huge by now.

Well it's bed time for the kids so I have to get them ready, you know teeth brushing, story reading and hugs and kisses so I will type something later, or tomorrow. I hope you had a great day and if not then I hope tomorrow is fabulous! Wish Lost Paws luck, it will be adoption day tomorrow and oh little note, the little one let the ferret out sooo really got to go but here is a pic of Rocco just cause...




Have a great one!!
Love,
Lola

Well, I did ask for an adventure, I guess?

As the day turns to a close, my day got well interesting. You know when you say "oh nothing is gonna happen" and then dun dun dun something happens? well that was my day.

My littlest one was happy at play with the big brother, nice happy, laughing play and then bam! screams, crying "OMG's!!!" blood all over the place, me "WHAT HAPPENED?" and then more blood. He was spinning, lost control and hit the edge of the entertainment center. Poor little guy was in so much pain but his brother was even worst, once he saw the blood he freaked out.

Big brother kept trying to keep calm and comfort the little one but every time he got a glimpse at the blood he would just lose it. So the ER trip was inevitable and even though he was in obvious pain, this kiddo kept his cool the entire time. As the doctor wiped his wound and talks to him about what is going to be done, he just looks at the doctor like nothing, the doc says "this is going to hurt a little" and my baby says "it's doesn't hurt" wow. Here is the poor little fella.



They had to place some numbing medication on his brow and it was a 20 min wait so what did he do? fall asleep. So he was asleep for the entire thing. No stitches but yes to the glue.

:sigh: I guess I did ask for it. At least everything came out fine and everyone is now relaxing.
I hope your day was much better than mine :)

Much Love,
Lola

Another day

Good morning world and all who inhabit it.

Lets see, today, today, what to do today? :hmmm:I seriously should leave the house and see what the day has to offer but I am feeling oh so lazy. I could use a break from the constant "mom, mom, mom, mom, MOM!" I have been having to hear recently, it's beginning to become like nails on a chalk board. Sooooo wanna change my name ;)

Then again how can one get upset at faces like these?






Oh but one does get very tired after a while. I would love to have a day of just taking my camera out and venturing in my town but it's not possible with the kiddo's and yes today one is in school I still have the difficult one who loves to run as soon as freedom is presented.

In other news one of our kitties from Lost Paws has been adopted, Darius has found a good home and that is fantastic! Buff beauty with such a sweet personality, he will be a great fur baby to the family who adopted him.





Well I guess I should get going and see what adventure I have today, may not be at all exciting but I won't know unless I get off my behind and do it.

Hope you have a magical day :D

Make a wish...



Lots of love,
Lola

My world

Hello to all. My name is Lola and I do not consider myself a professional photographer but some beg to differ, I guess it's hard to consider myself one since I did not technically study photography but I do love it.

I do consider myself an artist, I mean the definition of an artist is a person who produces works in any of the arts that are primarily subject to aesthetic criteria.

I dance, I sing, I write poetry, I am always finding a new way of expressing myself through art, being making crafts or by my most recent (less than 2 yrs) passion photography.

I must confess I am not very good at grammar and proper English but I do my best.

I grew up mostly in Puerto Rico and while Spanish is the main language I never let my English vanish so here I am today. I am a huge animal lover and my other passion is helping our furry and feathered creatures.

As a child I would save up money to feed the homeless animals and make sure they were healthy. Today I volunteer for a wonderful organization which focuses on making sure the animals have a good, stable, caring, loving and permanent home. Lost Paws Animal Rescue is composed by people just like myself who give their time and love to these homeless critters.

You can visit the myspace page at Lost Paws Animal Rescue and there is information on the current available pets and how you can too be a helpful hand.

For donations to Lost Paws Animal Rescue, please click on the donation icon.

Well again I hope you enjoy my little world and find yourself sharing your world with me.

With lots of LOVE,
Lola